Cosmo: The good news is I named my nickel Phillip!
Alien: What's the bad news?
Cosmo: It's a girl nickel!
Cosmo: Nothing! I can't be implying anything! I don't even know what imply means! Or do I?
Waiter: Are you Cosmo?
Cosmo: That's what it says on my undies, and they've never lied to me before!
Wanda: Two wrongs don't make a right.
Cosmo: But three rights make a left, and now it's time for the show! (sings) La cucaracha, la cucaracha.. enchilada blah blah blah, la cucaracha, la cucaracha, and a taco blah blah blah...
Cosmo: I'm swimming in my own toilet, and I like it!
Cosmo: It stays fresh because my head is vacuum sealed!
Cosmo: Has it been a million years already? My watch must have stopped.
Cosmo: Here, use my radioactive remote. You may lose your hair, but you'll never lose the remote. And that's my slogan!
Cosmo: Dibs on the dreamy teen singing sensation with the horrible voice!
Cosmo: I married the smart one!
Wanda: I married the... well, he's cute, right?
Cosmo: Well, she may not be perfect, but she's the one who said yes!
Cosmo: I guess his program had a few bugs in it! Ahaha ahaha... I'll be quiet now.
Cosmo: "We" can mean anything. We three, we the people, or my favorite: Weeeeeeeeeeeee!
Cosmo: (sings) Here I come! Mr. Fairy Universe!
Cosmo: You look like something the cat dragged in, ate, and then spit up. What? Too literal?
Cosmo: And we're not dust. Thank goodness. I was allergic to myself.
Cosmo: Hey, wanna play the not study game?
Timmy: How do you play?
Cosmo: (shoves all the books off the desk) You're already playing! Yay!
Wanda: What flammable...
Cosmo: (buzzes in) Pudding!
Cosmo: Look at me, I'm a tasty nacho! With third degree burns!
Timmy: You guys don't do anything halfway, do you?
Cosmo: Nope. We're two halves of a whole idiot!
Cosmo: I'm knowledge intolerant.
Cosmo: You know the old saying: when in Rome, let them eat cake.
Mr. Crocker: May I offer you a chair?
Cosmo: Certainly! May I offer you a fish?
Cosmo: (singing) I love the species that throws their own feces!
Cosmo: The top soil makes it crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside!
Cosmo: Apparently the other thing I'm chock full of is not knowing stuff.
Cosmo: What's not to get, the silly teeth part or the not having the ball part? What? I'm not agreeing with him, I'm just saying it's pretty straightforward.
Cosmo: Two words - mouth wash.
Wanda: That's only one word.
Cosmo: Then I'll say it twice. Mouthwash mouthwash!
Wanda: And don't make him relive Super Toilet.
Cosmo: It took the plunger, the whole plunger! (sucks his thumb)
Cosmo: Nothing bad ever happens at school. (shudders) Except for learning!
Cosmo: I learned that shouting helps you remember things. I LIKE PIE!
Cosmo: Go ahead, ask me something.
Wanda: Why are you still talkng?
Cosmo: Neat! I'm string! Yaaaaay!
Cosmo: You mustn't blame yourself, Timmy. Even though it is all your fault.
Cosmo: Geometry, geology, geography... I don't see what the problem is, they all start with J.
Cosmo: Well, you've lived a good life, right?
Timmy: I'm only 10!
Cosmo: I said good, not long.